Londenaar Simon Hooper en zijn vrouw Clementine hebben hun handen vol met 4 dochters (9 jaar, 6 jaar en een tweeling van een jaar). Simon documenteert zijn dagelijkse ‘opvoedingsavonturen’ via zijn Instagram-account, father_of_daughters en verzamelde daarmee al meer dan 790.000 volgers.
Bij zijn foto’s geeft hij hilarisch eerlijke advies over het opvoeden van kinderen. Eén van zijn meest virale berichten betrof een trip naar de supermarkt. “Ik woon in dit gangpad van de supermarkt”, schreef hij in het bijschrift. “Kersverse ouders voelen aan dat ik al een ‘ervaren ouder’ ben en vragen mij of ik weet waar je zus en zo kunt vinden. Mijn antwoord: ‘Zeker: derde rij, halverwege aan de linkerkant. Koop er 3 en krijg een korting, hoewel je dat wilt gebruiken in combinatie met bla blabla… ‘ Ik ben precies een wandelende encyclopedie met informatie over babyproducten. Vroeger gebruikte ik mijn hersenen om wereldlijke bedrijfsproblemen op te lossen. Nu gebruik ik ze om kortingen voor babyproducten te berekenen.”
Another monday, another last minute rush to the shops to avoid the armageddon I.e running out of nappies, wipes & baby crack (milk) for the addicts. I basically live in this aisle of the supermarket now. New parents seem to gravitate to me as an “experienced parent” (i.e. the tired looking guy shivering in the corner) and ask “do you know where so and so is please?” My reponse – “Sure 3rd shelf, half way down on the left hand side, buy 3 & get a discount,although you want to use that in combination with blah blah blah.” I’m like a walking encyclopaedia of baby product info. I used to use my brain to solve global corporate wide problems. I now use it to calculate bulk buy discounts. #ishouldgetanamebadge #bogofking #iliveherenojoke #dadbrain #lifeinthefastlane #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad
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Hooper werkt als operationeel directeur voor een Amerikaans consultancybedrijf in Londen, vertelde hij aan The Huffington Post, maar als vader is hij ook “een klusjesman, taxichauffeur, zweminstructeur, mentor, kok, klimrek, bank en personal shopper. Het is mijn bedoeling om een realistisch beeld te geven van het ouderschap vanuit het perspectief van een ouder. En ik wil tegelijkertijd de mensen ook een beetje doen lachen.”
Blijf scrollen en volg Hooper’s Instagram voor meer hilarische foto’s en overpeinzingen over het ouderschap.
Teething is now in full effect and the girls want us to know all about it. An email would have sufficed but it seems they’d rather use their voices to get the message across that they really aren’t enjoying this stage of development. Its not straight screaming, it’s more like the sound a wounded animal might make that just wants to end it all. I can’t blame them though, it’s like a mini scene from ‘Alien’ in there at the moment, just in very very slow motion (and of course teeth don’t then go on to kill you and the crew of your ship so a few subtle differences but essentially the same). #canyoubulkbuybonjela #teethinglikealien #twins #thisisntfunforanyone #doubleteethingisnotdoublethefun #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #daddydentist
Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the ‘man zone’. I’ve become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I’m confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed’s nice and warm, even if the reception isn’t sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I’ll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space – but it’s doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro
There are milestones in every baby’s development – the 1st time they sleep through the night (parents fist pump) their 1st laugh, the 1st time they feed themselves (we’ll just forget the mountain of landfill that surrounds the highchairs) and their 1st tooth. Well, we’ve got to another big moment in our house. It seems that the twins have been taking night classes in self-defence and greco-Roman wriggly wrestling. Short of gaffer taping them to the changing table, it’s more likely that I got elected prime minister of the UK than I get a conventional nappy on them without it ending up looking like I’ve wrapped an oddly shaped present blindfolded. Therefore we’re moving on to @Pampers_UK Nappy Pants – same as the normal ones, but without the hassle, perfect for these wriggle wrestlers. #wrestlewithlesshassle #noyoucantgaffertapethem #nappypants
#pampersbabyboard #babymilestone #ad #FOD #FatherofDaughters #Dadlife #instada
Looking after little ones whilst enduring the remainder of a post stag do adult headache that i’d invested a fair out time, effort and money in and was of such good quality it required surgery to remove , wasn’t one of my ‘top of list’ activities to do upon getting home. That said, the vast majority of my parenting was done while horizontal. Doctors patients, horsey rides (that don’t move), sleeping giants, being a baby, pretending to play hide & seek and using the 30 seconds as I count as an excuse for a micro sleep – anything that involves frequent opportunities to inspect the inside of my eyelids and such little movement that a sloth with motivation issues and a gammy leg could accuse me of being lazy. It’s official – my body just isn’t as young a my mind thinks I am. #poststagdo #backtoreality #twins #yesididgethitwiththatshoe #passtheparacetamol #fod #FatherofDaughters #dadlife #instadad
Getting people out the door to go & actually do something as a family can be a challenge – staying at home always seems the easy option but with house viewings today and not wanting to clean up for 4th time, it was essential go out into the real world. Getting a one trottered pig to play the violin while dancing the macarena & speaking Latin would be considerably easier than getting all the childrens to empty their bladders, put on shoes and get in the car without considering drinking bleach. Once we were at the playground, the 2nd challenge is then to get everyone to leave again. No one wants to be the guy who yells across the playground in a passive aggressive tone to their offspring, so you do it in a chirpy joking way in case other rparebts are listening, then stomp across and pick up the offending child while trying not to make a seen. I did that today x 4. In the end, I had to carry everyone out to ensure we all left and ensure the risk of a daughter return to swings was reduced to zero. #additionforworldsstrongestman #familydayout #putyourfingshoeson #4girls1dad #parkexitescortservice #fod #Fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad
Today we have spent almost 7 hours in the car together. Murderers do less hard time than this. The only relief that i get from the demands for food, battles fought for USB ports and debates over which awful radio DJ to allow to assault our ears without pressing charges is that I’m driving, so there is little to nothing i can do, leaving @mother_of_daughters in charge of crowd control. (I swear if she had pepper spray she would actually consider using it). When the twins could no longer be consoled by contorting round from the front, i pulled over & Clemmie took one for the team and wedged herself in the back. 10 mins later she was snoring (she claims it’s still jet lag) with her feet 4 inches deep in the mobile landfill we call the rear foot wells while having bananna wiped on her & having her hair pulled. Gotta love a long car journey. Ideas to distract them please…… #mobilelandfill #jailtimeorcartime #assaultedbyaDJ #familycartrip #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad
It’s the end of term of the girls & after reading their school reports to discover that we’re doing an ok job of bringing up kids who haven’t killed anyone recently, have the ability to retain information in their heads (I.e. learn stuff) & are generally well liked, I thought I should treat them. I gave them £5 each & 5 mins to find stuff they wanted, while ripped my fingers to shreds by carrying around a small countries annual supply of nappies, wipes, loo paper & Friday booze. Marnie returned with a standard glittery mag with ‘free’ skin melting kids cosmetics on it, Anya came back with a can of spray cream & a camembert. Just when I thought we were doing a good job, we seem to be raising some kind of middle class dairy addict, I mean who gets a soft French cheese over sweets and a mag?!! #kidsthesedays #shouldhavegotatrolley #alldonewhileclemmietriestopack #clemmiesfailing #shesasoftcheesekindagirl #endoftermtreats #fridaybooze #FOD # #fatherofdaughters #dadlife
Having been in the scouts I’m good with knots. I know my sheet bend from my clove hitch, but marnie’s hair produced something I was unfamiliar with last night. Imagaine a sheep with deadlocks. Then imagine that the sheep mated with a spider on LSD. This knot was Their love child. We’ll just call it the “Seriously Hard Impossible To Sort Sheep Hybrid Outrageous Web” knot or “S.H.I.T.S.H.O.W” for short. And top it all, there was a hairband drowning in the middle of it. 15 minutes of tears, an inspection under bright light and a pair scissors later she was free of her tangled parasite. The lesson here is never let a child back comb their hair without personally taking all hair bands out first.#theknotfromhell #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad
@mother_of_daughters is out this evening getting yet another ear piercing (if she gets any more, I’ll be able to see through her) so I’ve got all 4. Like any manager worth his pay grade, I delegated & I left Marnie in charge of the 2 delinquents while I made bottles. I returned to the twins drowning animals in the toilet & dispensing of, what transpired to be, the last toilet roll in the house. Unsurprizingly, like my pay check after 10 days, the 6 yr old had vanished without a trace. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow it’s because i died on a wet bathroom floor due to getting my arm stuck round the U bend while retrieving a plastic squeaky cow and my dignity. What a way to go. #atleasthedieddoingwhatheloved #toilettombola #baddelegation #myselfrespectisintheresomewheretoo #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad
They say that in space nobody can hear you scream – well that’s not true at 39,000 ft. I have to apologise to everyone on the flight from Morocco to Luton for my twins who decided to set a impromptu world record for longest / loudest decibel screaming on our flight home – 3 hrs out of a 3.5hr flight. As @mother_of_daughters and I met in the middle with our shrieking offspring, the red of our embarrassed faces was only matched by the blood pouring out of other passengers perforated ear drums. I swear we walked the distance we flew while on the plane. Finally got some silence when i asked a stewardess for 30 single serve UHT milk sachets and put them in a bottle – I’m never travel without milk again! Thanks to our sisters too who helped out massively. Home at 1am in the cold and dark. Back to reality indeed. #nevertravelwithoutmilk #schoolboyerror #doesinsurancecovereardamagefrombabies #sorryeveryone #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad
Today we experienced one of those mornings when each parent thinks the other one has responsibility for the kids & carries on doing important life admin like inspecting the ever increasing army of grey hairs in their hair line, only to discover that in fact neither adult has eyes on the small people, leaving them like the lost boys of Neverland – without parental supervision. You stop, Your blood freezes harder than the lasanga you put in the fridge 6 months ago & forgot about & immediately accuse the other parent of not paying attention. Luckily for us, the twins has steered clear of the sharpy pens & instead decided to opt to conduct a self taught roller skate lesson on ‘ the family ankle snappers’. They had about as much coordination as bambi on ice with a stonking hangover and an inner ear infection. Fun to watch though. #selftaught #sharingiscaring #rollertwins #anklesnappers #ithoughtyouwerewatchingthenlm #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fod #instadad